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The Legends Arrive in Outlands01-30-2007
Energy ripped across the dark portal with a ferocity it had not seen in generations. The swirling vortex of magic coursed through the doorway between worlds with such a force that defied any before seen wonders in that land. To either side of the mighty portal, ranks upon ranks of demons stood. Their great weapons and regalia of the legion bore fel craftwork and dark arts beyond the deepest understandings of mortal man or elf. Great works of destruction and war stood at the ready.
Ready to defend, not attack.
The energy surged briefly and Gortoza flew forth, high ranking officer of the Nathrezim that had been dispatched through the portal to Azeroth. One of his wings was cloven from axe wounds, his left leg was pierced by three arrows, and his face was beaten and bloodied by some blunt object. With a gasp he tried to call out to the army gathered before the gate. Tried to warn them.
Before even a whisper could escape his lips, a hammer flew forth from the portal, its runed head slamming into the back of Gortoza’s skull and the resounding crack shook the ground and was heard over the cacophone of the demonic horde gathered. As the body of the dreadcaller fell to the ground, it glowed with a radiant purple light for a brief moment, and the screaming form of the demon’s soul rose forth, sundered from its corporeal form flying back toward the portal.
With a last squeal of protest, the soul of the last dreadcaller of the Legion’s assault on Azeroth was sucked into a small crystal shard in the hand of a single orc standing in the doorway of the mighty gate. Next to him, a tauren with a blank stare, stood in matching tabards of deep blue with a white monkey embroidered upon their chests. A small green winged macaw flew forth from the portal and landed on the tauren’s shoulder as the orc carefully put the crystal with the demon’s soul in a small pouch at his side next to his fishingpole.
“Holas,” the tauren boomed with a grin to the collected Burning Legion. “Pazo wonder who with of wish to make deal for beers and weapons?”
The Dark Portal has opened, demons roam everywhere, Eredar outcasts run to the Alliance for help, elves and trolls are living together, its mass hysteria! With the sundering of the realms the opportunity has presented itself for the once small and subtle force of the Drunken Monkey Brewery to expand its organization into the alien plane of Outlands. The shattered homeland of the Orcs has proven so far to be a vital step in trade of arms, armaments, weapons, contraband potions, poisons and of course, rare brews from beyond the ends of Azeroth.
Within minutes of the gate opening, the head bartender and guild master of the Drunken Monkey Brewery, Pazo, and the ever-popular primary fisherman and demon summoner, Zekgrall, were able to step over the threshold of battle and enter the war torn wastes of Hellfire Peninsula. Arriving so early provided the opportunity for exclusive trade arrangements with some of the outposts that had been out of touch with the Horde for quite some time, as well as establish new trade agreements with some of the other groups to be found in this desolate and shattered land.
Among these, good relations have already been established with the myconid population of Sporegarr, the bird people of Skettis, and even the proud orcs of the Mah’gar. Relations are being addressed for the numerous Ogre populations in the area and we are always looking for new patrons and underdogs to join the ranks.
Since crossing over into Outlands, a majority of the heavier hitting members of the Brewery have also made their way into this barren landscape for profit, glory, and booze. Re-awakening the devastating soldier mentalities of most of the members of the guild, this exodus to the lands beyond the portals has offered us all a chance to truly redefine and put to rest many of those slowly brooding feelings of boredom and inadequacy.
By the time this will be reaching the public view, one of our oldest patrons and resident Witch Doctor, Hukari Hexxen, should be achieving or near to achieving the much sought after 70th circle of training. May his soul be consumed in a fiery blaze for all to see.
What does this mean for the Brewery?
More of the same really, only different. Things change, people change, faces change, pints change, but everyone will always have a place to go where everybody knows their name…for a price.
As far as guild news as a whole goes, we have added some new sections to the website. Etiquette of the Brewery has been written to address many of the issues that have been taken for granted over the last 2 years of operation. This is mostly just to put into writing many of the ideas and principles of the Brewery that have been around for the duration of its operation.
We have a lot of new people joining the guild. Some are the Alts of our regular members, others are completely new faces, and some are old faces returning to us out of the past. At the moment it would be a good idea for me to point out again the ways in which to get promoted above the entry level position of Cage Dancer. There is a very thorough section on our website here. Please take a moment to look this over if you have not yet.
SECURITY – IMPORTANT
As many of you may have noticed, our forums have been under assault from a variety of spammers and bots that are set up to automatically generate characters, posts, etc that advertise all sorts of naughty and unpleasant things like dildos, tax evasion, and Reganomics. Here are some tips to keep in mind when parousing the forum.
- DON’T BE STUPID
- NEVER click on a link that you don’t know where it goes. There is a difference between Pazo or Singinghorn posting a link to a funny graphic versus PrnCruizer47 making a link labeled “something funny.” If you are unsure, simply do not click.
- Keep your firewall and anti-virus software up to date. If you don’t have any that is very much like going down to the dockside for a “good time” without any protection. If you are too young to get that joke, don’t ask your parents. :-(
- NEVER post account sensitive information on the forums or tell anyone your World of Warcraft account information. If you need to know why, please review step 1.
- NEVER post personal information such as your home address or any email address you are not worried about getting spam at. I try to keep our forums clear of malicious abuse but in the end I’m just a guy who dabbles in web and loves to write, I am no forum security programmer.
- NEVER run with scissors. Please review step 1.
- NEVER go to any website advertising the buying or selling of gold, characters, etc if any such link finds its unfortunate way to our forums. According to the World of Warcraft forums this is one of the biggest sources of targeted keyloggers out there. If you want to know where to buy gold, please L2P.
- If you pay for power leveling, shoot yourself. If I find out you power level or share your account, it is instant booting from the guild with no regard for your personal role-playing quality.
- And last but not least, DON’T BE STUPID!
We are rolling into a new year filled with endless amounts of demonic and fel evils to tackle with hardcore ferocity! Soon even Kil’jaeden himself will learn to FEAR THE MONKEY!
- El ZachO
Rise of the Legion12-10-2006
Much has happened in the last few months. Abyssal dukes have shaken in their little elemental booties with the fear that the Smugglers might return for more pants. The Alliance has been spooked by the premise that some of their own have turned to join the band of pirates and arms dealers that are making their play for power in the world. And everywhere one turns the whispers of the Dark Portal and what lay beyond grow in the ears of all.
The Brewery has changed. Along the road we have lost some of our familiar and iconic faces such as Teebee and Merp. We have also grown however, and welcome with grins the new arrivals who have ventured into our ranks.
Some have heard that a few in the Brewery have even ventured into Outlands (Beta) and they have brought back word of marvels and stunning shiny stuff. From the mushroom people of Sporegarr to the Goblin harvested Netherstorm, the lands of the orc legends teem with life and possibility. Ever the profitable group, the Drunken Monkey Brewery is already making arrangements to set up distribution chains to this mystical world. If it ferments, you can expect a beverage crafted from it soon.
In honor of the upcoming challenge, as well as the more recent changes to the skills and abilities of our members, the guild has decided to re-design the tabard to white within blue, instead of the other way around.
With the impending addition of the Blood Elves into the ranks of the Horde legions, we may be finding ourselves allied with a secondary guild to help raise the caste of former enemies into the fold without panicking them.
The Art of Monkeycraft and Fireside Tales have also seen rather significant additions to their pages, and all are welcome to come and enjoy. We have even begun crafting Trading Card Game pics of the various members and it is our hope to have a page on the website dedicated to these when they are complete. (No ETA…I am just one unpaid guy after all.)
The Burning Legion is planning something, and the members of the Drunken Monkey Brewery will be there, ready to sell arms to both sides!
Mid-Summer Review: Of Supermen and Superscourge7-03-2006
The Scourge have invaded! And with them has come all the war profiteering one could hope for. Weapons, armor, gears of war, and countless other relics ranging from bandages to armor scraps are being bought by the endless demand of the Argent Dawn as this uni-lateral organization works to save us from the ravages of undead servitude. And with that in mind, we as smugglers make a damn good penny at arming those less fortunate to be in the good graces of the Argent Dawn. That and the troops always love a good keg.
Brewmaster of Guild Banking
Though our guild has many characters that have the thankless job of guild bank for specific items (i.e.: Jagger and cloth or Vurly and Twilight Cultist Gear), the Mighty Merp and his associates have stepped up to take the role of generic Guild Bank. While the actual specifics of how this will work are still under discussion, lets all take a moment to welcome Merp to the ranks of officer and provide him any support necissary to get his tasks under way, once we figure out what those tasks are. Kudos Merp!
Penalope, Brewmaster of Smuggling
Within the ranks of our Alliance associates lies a pink haired gnome with a penshant for demon summoning. Young Penalope, together with her ally Trogbob, have undertaken the guild wide task of transferring/smuggling items between the forces of Horde and Alliance, at the cost of one gold per transaction. This should prove endlessly helpful as the realm transfers begin to take full swing.
On the Horizon...
Realm transfers have begun, and are growing quickly. Soon Earthen Ring will be open to transfer to at the cost of a few coins and we may find our Alliance side growing in strength. Zooti, in preperation for such a day, has been stockpiling Twilight Cultist Gear in an effort to be ready to vamp up resources on the Alliance side when the time comes. While there have been issues in the past with our members not being too keen on playing alliance and some of the die hard ally fans get annoyed by this, I am hoping we may find an easier transition once a few more people have 60s. My own goal, as a guild founder, was to provide a guild on both Alliance and Horde that would allow both RPers and friends to just hang out and have a good time, regardless of what they choose to play. In this guild, we are all Alt-o-holics, and we have become a formiddible force over the last year whether that is recognized or not. Many have joined our ranks simply because they believe we have a good time, and that is in no way associated with my efforts, but should be seen as an achievement of each and every member of our guild. :-) Thank you all soo much for providing such a great environment, even in light of the ongoing discontent that prolonged exposure to the same game day in and day out can bring. While I personally have not been around as much as I would really have liked, and have taken up the role of absentee landlord and daily comic guy, you all have continued on and brought in both new faces and new ideas, and it makes my day better each and every time I can log in and join you all!
Summer is Approaching5-21-2006
Cinco de Mayo has passed, and many are still wrealing from the hangovers. In the last month we have seen Trogbob hit 60, the Battle of Darrowshire smashed to ruins, many Abyssal Dukes have been both mooned and pummelled into dirt, several promotions to Hustler and Brewmaster were made, and the imfamous Zooti was slain 142 different times, not once for bounty reasons. Ah the kill count. The New alliance race, the Draenie, were anounced, and many schemings have been made as to how cool or not cool they shall be, with their castles of leet interdimensional travel.
Brewmaster of Orientation
As with Singinghorn's promotion, I would like to take a moment to both congradulate Xynth on her promotion as well as educate any new members to our guild on the role that this dedicated person has accepted. The Brewmasters of Orientation, Xynth and Singinghorn, are the frontline of officers when it comes to assisting new members of the guild with finding items, resources, members to help them do dungeon runs through lower end instances, etc. Any new members should contact one of these Brewmasters, if they have not done so yet, and introduce themselves.
New Forum Section: The World...for dummies
I have added a section on to the forums for the inclusion of write ups for areas in the game that we, as a guild, frequent. The opening one is The Stones of Silithus. For those new members of the guild or those who do not frequently pop on around 5pm PST on Sundays, our guild rallies its heavy hitters together and will do a "Duke Run" which involves traveling to the Wind Stones of Silithus and summoning an Abyssal Elemental Duke...of which we quickly pummel and take their pants. Any loot that drops that we cannot use is sold by one of our guild bankers, Vurly, who has done an excellent job of distributing the proceeds amongst guild members and done a supurb job of funding guild based events and future expansion.
On the Horizon...
The Drunken Monkey Brewery has been growing in numbers and resources. It is my own hope that soon, preferably in late July, we may gather in person and have some faces meet for the first time. Additionally, I am working closely with Trogbob to find new and better ways to expand the "Comic of the Day" feature of the Tavern site and increase its functionallity. The 1.11 patch should be coming soon, and while we are not entirely a guild of Naxxramas runners, the added content for "other" things should be fun for us to plink away and punt at. Personally I would love to see "Trash Mob" runs started for Zul'Gurub and The Ruins of Ahn'Qiraj again on a weekly basis, and may take a more active role in assisting in the organization of such events sometime in July or August. Fun stuff on the Horizon! And Funner stuff on the ...um...I'm out of metaphors. Toodles for now.
And the Bounty Hunters Failed!4-9-2006
And the Bounty Hunters Failed! Zooti, without any aid from Alliance forces, managed to slink past all persuers and reach Captain John Mithril before bounty hunters could reach him. While this included several narrow misses with Trogbob, and one near fatal finale with Hukari, the gnomish vandal escaped unscathed and paid his debt to the arena officianado. Better luck next bounty!
Wanted: Zooti Fizzlefury4-6-2006
Well, Zooti has done it again. Due to recent Gambling debts, the imfamous Captain John Mithril of the Gurubashi Arena has placed a bounty on Zooti's head. This lovable little gnome will be denied any and all flight masters and have to avoid major cities in order to travel from Astranaar, Ashenvale to Gurubashi Arena, Stranglethorn Vale on Sunday, April 9th, starting at 1:00 pm. The bounty will include 10 gold and a T-shirt to the Horde bounty hunter to drop this gnome before he reaches Captain Mithril and then ensure he is unable to be resurrected on the spot by any possible allies. Understanding his plight, it is rumored that Zooti will be offering 5 gold of his own to the Alliance defender with the highest kills against his assailants.
The Rules of Engagement
- All participants must be flagged for PVP from start to finish of the event.
- Any kills must be confirmed with Drunken Monkey Brewery officers (Horde side: Rukra, Matok, Hukari, Golomojo, Singinghorn, Alliance side: Zooti).
- Highest kills against bounty hunters does not include ganking lowbies for kill credit.
- Every near death save an alliance member performs on Zooti (i.e.: Resurrect before he releases, Last second heals, etc) will count as a "kill" for the record.
For any further questions, feel free to contact Zooti or Pazo as needed.
The Tavern gets updated, and the Brewery goes to panty raid Ahn'Qiraj.3-25-2006
Our beloved Tavern of the Drunken Monkey (.com) has received an upgrade finally. Or at least a change to its format. We now have, in addition to the maze that is navigating the Tavern, a fun "Comic of the Day" feature that any of our members are more than welcome to contribute to. Contact Pazo or Zooti for more information.
Additionally over the last few months our esteemed Rum Runner Rukra has organized and masterfully executed a number of Sunday Dungeon Runs which any guild member can sign up for provided they can get in the door. While we really do not wish to exclude members, these runs can really hurt you if you don't come prepared. In the past, locations have included the infamously bug infested Ahn'Qiraj, the even more infamously troll infested Zul'Gurub, and the even insanely more infested Upper Blackrock Spire. Over the last month our efforts have been focused on those dungeons that will soon be having the number of people they allow be reduced, such as Scholomance and Stratholme. But once the evils of 1.10 are released upon the world, we can go back to facing the might of the uber dungeons.
For those new to our ranks you have not been forgotten. Singinghorn (who also is Diagony), has been promoted to our Brewmaster of Orientation. This is the person to contact when in need of assistance running through lower level instances, looking for other guild members around your level, or even just trying to find some gear without being bent over backwards at the auction house. Additionally, those seeking promotion will frequently require a brewmaster to assist with their advancement. Singinghorn will be our front person for now in charge of this. If she is not online, feel free to spam her mailbox with your pesky letters of demands. :-)
There are some events brewing on the horizon with the guild. Both Alliance and Horde members should be on the lookout for possible seed letters that may or may not arrive. *wink* The Drunken Monkey Brewery has come a long way in its year of operation and the fun is just getting started.
I'll try to keep up with updating this more frequently. It is to be hoped that we may eventually develop a posting system that is not as involved as this one is. But we shall see.
New new Site2-12-2006
The Site has been updated ... slightly